Uncertain

Blog #5

Uncertain

'Di man daay lalim', a Cebuano line, means it's not that easy.

I wasn't expecting this kind of feeling. It is really hard, I tell you. Before, during my application for the graduation process, I was really eager to finish everything just to comply with all the requirements and prepare myself for the graduation ceremony, just like every graduating student wanted to do. We were all excited to finish our degree. But now, reality has slapped my face.

As I end this month of July with fear and anxiety, I want to go back to the time when I was rushing things that supposedly weren't. I regret the things I did when I was focusing on finishing everything rather than cherishing every situation because the real battle awaits me outside the school.

It really feels bad to not be someone you expect someone to be. It annoys me. It gives me a feeling of discouragement. This wasn't supposed to be. But it is happening. I feel so useless. I feel so small. I feel so less privileged. It gives me a bundle of pressure as the days pass by. I feel pity for myself. There are a number of days to go before my two months of being jobless and still thinking about what I really want and need to do. Everything seems so scrambled. My mind has so many distractions. My parents are waiting for some good news about my life status, but they don't know how exactly I feel right now.

I know it's too early to say that I am a failure. But please, someone, or even anyone out there? Send someone to give me a tight hug and whisper to me that I am really not a failure. Please, I need someone.

-J.'s Ink